A Wild Violence

Daily I read about the tumult in America against its neighbors and the politics in France, UK, or Germany. It opens imaginative possibilities for me, but it’s a destructive wild fire of ideas, without structure.

It brings to mind the complexities around the French Revolution with its friction between monarchy and democracy, the rich and poor, and rising desire for new empires. However, this will not be limited to one territory, but the entire world.

I see a bewildering violence in the coming years and decades.
I worry about my children and try to picture an area that will guarantee longterm safety. Ideally I want to steel my family with the character, judgement, and intelligence to make it through historic times, carry the enlightment values that will help hold communities together.

I am uncertain of all these things. My art should include more fire.

Historical Times

The last two weeks have been an absolute shotgun blast of political and technological chaos.

• Trump’s bipolar trade wars with Canada, Mexico, and China.

• The detention of working, church, and school-attending immigrants. They gave more to this country than they got back.

• Deepseek making OpenAI’s eat crow over its own data theft.

• The end of all US aid across the world.

• Elon Musk getting illegal access and editor rights to federal payment systems.

• An end to America’s cancer and antibiotics research programs.

• Deletion of federally funded online resources.

In this new (old 1930s?) world it seems the best way to insulate oneself is being covered in flesh of a particular color.

Sisyphus Feels

This morning Finn discovered our basement is flooded (again). We were hoping to build onto the house for kids' space, including a pieced-together art studio for myself in that area. With those plans gone awry I feel awful. There is a struggle not to feel too sorry for myself and move on. I have a vision but instead encounter failures.

The dream of having a family home.

Reality.

On Age

My birthday is in approximately six weeks, along with the birth of my third kid. The idea of being forty is striking in ways which being thirty hadn't effected me. This decade I've felt decline: the effects of a slow sedentary lifestyle, isolation from COVID, further social insulation following divorce.

This decade of fatherhood has been unbelievable rewarding, though I feel some underlying melancholy about generational passing. Time is limited, invaluable, and I find myself rushing to be connected with family.

I want to accept my disappointments quickly so I can relax and love those around me in the moment, but I sometimes find this difficult. Being an artist is to be dissatisfied: to obsessively dive into work and find something meaningful. I hope this process helps me cope with these feelings, so I may see past my pettiness and appreciate how lucky I am.

On Divine Geometries

Much of my work is about bodies and the winding complexities of nature. While a lot of viewers find my work horrific, I feel something sublime and beautiful in chaos. The unpredictable flow of our natural world is imprinted into our DNA: we rise at times above it, but it is always with us.

In contrast, there are equal parts wonder and fear in the alien realms of geometry. For a decade I’ve scanned through divine and perverse manuscripts, which over time, now anchors my figures into their world.

From History of Magic by the French occultist Eliphas Lévi. The branches of the Tree of Life contain the 7 wonders of the world, linked with the 7 planets of traditional astrology and 7 metals.

As civilizations have retreated from their animal state, simplified, perfect forms have come to symbolize ideals. Even runes and alphabets hold magical implications. Lines and basic shapes call upon ancient gods or hold mysteries we cannot grasp. The two lines of a cross can represent immense suffering. Paimon’s sigil is a metaphor for winding secret riches, wisdom guided by a demon king.

Sigil of Paimon

God represented with the holy trinity. He is framed with the four domains of God's rule: the man represents humanity; the lion, wild animals; the ox, domestic animals; and the eagle, birds. - Wikipedia

I enjoy drawing from these references to create a newer, contemporary geometric void. Humans are now more adapted to living through tiny boxes: micro-apartments, televisions, phones, tiny slices of land parcels. We enjoy nature as a leisure, but ultimately, where should we belong?

Reflecting on 2022

This year, when I apply “art” as a filter, has felt like a whimper and continued decline. For my career, I'm batting zero despite efforts to be included in fairs and exhibitions. Social media, as it has matured, funnels users towards other artists. My posts receive 10-30% of the audience I received a year ago and engagement reflects this. I've never been more removed from the art world and I've been insulating more of my work here.

However, the work still finds ways to be produced. Early this year I played more with color and continue to be surprised at how vibrant flesh can be. The soft nuance of pencils is something I always understood but enjoyed more than ever this year. I took a risograph class. More books were produced. In summary, my process continues to stimulate and I'm never short on ideas. This is ultimately why I spend so much time on making artwork, despite life's other obligations.

Finally, and most importantly, I feel great love from my family and personal relationships. My kids are bright, creative, and healthy. My partner is infinitely understanding, loving, comforting. 2023 will have my deepest attention in these personal areas.

I wish everyone else to do the same: talk to your aging parents, be vulnerable around those who care about you most, seek friendships. There's no shortage of chaos in this world to inspire art, but having a stable healthy environment takes work.

in the Burrow

At the moment, I’m relieved by my decision to add more work on this website and limit posting on social media. This is my dark hidden little hole, free from prying eyes and too-valued ideas of exposure.

Good work and ideas need room, time to gestate.

This is also a time in my life to shelter in other ways. The United States (perhaps the world) is defiant to admit economic shocks and the onset of a recession. I have worked my way through the last major decline and, like any mammal gathering food or fat reserves for winter, am preparing for times ahead. My work is small, simple, and hardships help evaluate what’s most important in life, imagine new possibilities when the storm passes.

Against Decline

After rejections from various art opportunities (solo and group shows, art book fairs, grants), I've started withdrawing more from the art world. I am fine at 39 knowing if my greatest successes have already happened, but it is painful to sense so much indifference in all the places I apply myself.

Starting this blog is a place I can hold some of my words: different but in some ways correlating with my art. If you, Reader, got this far I'm thankful for your interest. I may be a case study in perseverance, failure, or irrelevant grandiosity. With enough time, any and all of these qualities are applicable.